Mo= No betta'

Just keep adding dirty ancient webbing. Tie some knots it there; let those loops hang. They don't need to be perfectly equalized because the jumbliness has rendered it irrelevant.

Part II: The Highlighter

Still not redundant.

The highlighter

Blissfully non-redundant, 15' long and bright as can be. One for the books!

Hitch in my get along

Maybe you were out of carabiners, it was getting dark, you forgot your headlamp, there was no walkable way out, shit was dire, and the only way you could save the baby was if you girth hitched all your dyneema to your webbing.

But I was there, it was 1 in the afternoon, there were no babies, and you were just no good at building anchors.

10 minutes of pickin' on Jankety Ass Anchors: Today is RIPE!!!

All of this in just a 10 minute walk at the Ouray Ice Park. Today was ripe!

The classic non-redundant carabiner, complete with ropes running over the walkway instead of an extended anchor. Otherwise, bomber! Sewn, new 1" webbing, new fat rope, shiny new, ungrooved carabiner.

This chap clearly doesn't know how to tie knots. Or clip carabiners. What's the dealeo with jamming the gate in the chain link? And why not bother to make a non-extending anchor?  

Oh...

Because the rest of it wasn't redundant.

I can't understand why my photo came out this way, but here's a twisted up clove hitch. Laziness!

Redundant, solid, equalized, and non-extending. But not locked because...?

And then there's this guy...

The dirty laundry anchor. I only see one sock. Or maybe that's a carabiner that has no business there and should be adding redundancy to the masterpoint. And then there's all the schnaedle laid over it or tangled in it...

"I know what I'm doing."

They did, too. Here's a real stunner of an anchor- soo solid. A locker on each bolt and a cordalette equalized with a redundant figure-eight. Bomber! Then they wanted to extend it so they clipped a giant-ass sling to it and clipped their rope to that. And kissed all their class goodbye.

Non-redundant redundancy

Two solid bolts for protection, two lockers on the master point, yet the climber hangs on single strand of the "master point" knot. They tried so hard. And failed. So sad.

The dangler

"I made a sweet anchor and then I saw the sling I still had on my harness and I thought. Ya know, I'll just leave this here. Because."

Lazy little shits.

Look here: Solid, redundant, and potentially extendable. What's not to love? "Let's see, I have no idea how to tie a knot that makes my master-point redundant. No big deal, I'll just make a half-ass back up here. It's all clipped to bolts. Pssssh, whatevs. And I don't want to carry all these 'biners to the bottom of the gorge; I'll just incorporate ALL of them in the master-point. Good enough. Might even reduce rope drag? Since my master-point is so low, let's walk to the bottom of the gorge, and then climb back up... and SEND!"

The first submission!

I've been looking for folks to send me photos, but no one's taken me up on it until now!  Here it is folks, the first, and so far only reader submitted anchor photo.

The Hell is this? Sure it's attached to a rock solid I-beam guardrail, but then what? I count 1, 2, 3, maybe even 4, possibly 5 carabiners (6?), and at least 4 slings (and a quickdraw), two of which appear to be employed exclusively for the purpose of confusing any would be belayer or passers-by.  There's a lot of spectra-blend detritus hanging off this belay nest, so much so that I deeply question its safety and usability.  Best of luck to its creators.  JANKETY!

2013: The Jankety Continues

Jankety-Ass Anchors are back!  Not only is it cold out there, but it's full of sketchy climbers. Bundle up and be careful.  On a very serious note, a lot of climbing accidents occurred this year. A lot of loved ones left before their friends and families, long before their time. Some accidents could have been prevented, while others were cruel flukes, and not due to any error. The places we play are dangerous, and require our full attention. Please take good care of yourselves, climb safely, and look out for one another.

That said, on to the Jankety-Ass Anchors.

And you thought your half ropes were skinny. HA! How about top roping off of this? I'd ball-park it at 5 or 6 mil. cord. Very new, very shiny, very inexperienced. The cord, at least. This little set up was over not any old WI3 either, but a pretty tricky little mixed climb, with lots of falling to be expected. Think light thoughts.

Juniper says, "pull my finger"

 Nothing there for scale, but that wee juniper isn't any bigger around than my wrist. 5" and alive (and well rooted) is my personal choice for single point anchors.

Redundant to non-redundant, and even the carabiners are tangled. Classic.

More already!

 Quilted together slings, and un-equalized sides of the anchor. Also, they clipped the tail loop of their double-overhand-on-a-bight instead of the load side of the knot.

 Disregarding the purple cord, here is a clear example of the "Death Triangle".  While it makes use of two bolts, it does not use them independently, if one side of the orange cord were to fail, the whole cord would.  Here's a link to all the details: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_death_triangle

 Here we've got a microwave sized detached block used as a directional, which doesn't re-direct the rope.  While failing its intended purpose, it endangers climbers, belayers, and innocent bystanders, hanging precariously, murderously, 20m off the ground.

Non redundant. Also, if you girth hitch a tree or other form of natural protection, align the hitch so that the load strand is not bent to reduce friction.

The climbing community has already experienced profound loss this year. My prayers are not only with the families and the fallen, but for all the rest of us out there climbing, learning, and loving the wild steep places of the world.  Climb only for yourself, take care of your friends, and don't ever let hurrying compromise your standards of safety. Come home safe again after each climbing adventure and have a thousand more in front of you.

Be safe.

2012: Safety 3rd

Let's ring in a new year with the strange and jeingis!!

 I have no idea.  

With a lot of solid links above, why would you clip the glorified key ring? Also, why not go ahead and make the whole rig redundant?  It's a two bolt chain anchor for crying out loud. As simple as it gets. C'mon.

 The Twizzler.

We've all added a wrap or two to a 'biner to shorten one side of a system to make it perfectly equalized without re-tying the masterpoint knot.  But why a climber would add an equal amount of wraps to each side of the anchor is completely beyond me. 

Why this link is even here anymore baffles me. It's loose enough to slide off the link it's resting on.   Homeboy clipped the only non-solid link around.  Go figure.  JANKETY!

More is coming down the pipeline.  Get ready.

2011 looks so promising!

Let it begin!  Here are the first for the year.

 What do we have here? A top rope running through two lockers, opposite and opposed, connected to a single strand of 6mm cordalette.  And on the other side of that overhand, the cord is connected to two separate and solid bolts.  Yet the whole system depends on the single strand.

 Redundant and equalized, yes, but if you're going to take slack out of a system, don't use a slipknot.  What part of that makes any sense?

Here's a double eared figure 8, but the loop isn't clipped in.  It's not the regular two eared eight, but instead a double figure eight on a bight.  Just like if it's tied with an overhand instead of an eight, that loop needs to be clipped in with the rest of it to close the system.

This is just the beginning, and there's more to follow. These anchors are just from the first day climbing here at the ice park in Ouray. Lots more on the way!

Jankety-Ass Anchors are back!!

I'm back in Ouray, and sure enough, so are the melon-heads that build shitty anchors. I'll be here for the next month or so, so check back often for more fodder; the getting is good this year, and I predict a bountiful harvest of shiest.  Also, Hatemachine isn't planning on reviewing any anchors this year.  Ah, well.  Have a great ice/ski season, and be safe. 

The DGAF anchor

 

Really?  Shame on you.  This isn't even close to being equalized, despite the master point even being in reach of both anchor points.  

On a another point, the institutional standards for top rope anchors would call for two opposite and opposed carabiners on the master point.  I've seen a locked carabiner, loaded with body weight open up and spit out the load.  It was one of the most horrifying things I've ever seen.

My rules for carabiners are: 

• clip carabiners: for single points of protection/anchors, racking gear
• locking carabiners for anything that will hold body weight, ie belaying off a harness or a leader clipped into the master point at the top of a pitch. A master-point that will be within arm's reach at all times of the system, ie a leader belaying up a second climber.
• Double, opposite, and opposed carabiners:  a master point that will not be supervised, ie top-rope (sling-shot) anchor.  These can be either clip or locking carabiners.

We've all learned since this post that tying knots in dyneema slings weakens them. Ya've been warned.

I'm into alternative anchors

What part about this is difficult when there are bolts only 3 feet away?  While they used the bolts, the weight of their system was on this hand-rail, because the two anchor points were not equalized, the bolt anchor system was 2.5 feet to the left of the hand-rail anchor, and the forces were at 180 degrees.  A poor choice.  Not only could this anchor point easily fail, but it could also pull the hand-rail down onto climbers below.